Page 533 - Demo

Post-Pandemic527In my case, mostly subconsciously, I continued to feel the disappointment of my parents%u2014for not being what they%u2019d wanted, not accepting who I was, or what I had accomplished, or wished to do in life. In short, I was never going to be the high-school basketball player, nor the rich doctor, they wanted. Because I didn%u2019t want to hurt their feelings, I had allowed my own feelings get hurt. As an older adult, that rejection began manifesting itself when I was asleep through loud snoring. I had never snored when I was younger. It had begun when I was in my 60s. The noise was so intense at times it wasn%u2019t unusual for me to wake up with a tension headache%u2014often a bad one. Of course, Lynn was usually startled awake by my sonorous racket, and could easily sense from my energy that I was reliving painful episodes from my past. In fact, she often tried to communicate with my subconscious to discern what was troubling me. At times she was able to calm my subconscious enough that I would quiet down.What amazed both Lynn and me was how we each fully understood what our inner problems were%u2014consciously. We knew what specific things our families had said, done, and implied, and how their words had affected us so deeply. Logically, we also understood that they had done so because they had been damaged themselves. It seemed as if our subconscious selves were obsessed with the negativity we%u2019d experienced so long ago. Obviously, those unwanted connections within the synapses of our brains were extremely difficult to break. On the other hand, they didn%u2019t seem quite as obstinate as they once were. It was clear to each of us that this was the time for each of us to resolve all the shame and pain of our childhoods so we could heal, move on, and totally accept ourselves. We knew if we kept working at it, we would eventually resolve the past, live fully in the present as the persons we were truly meant to be, and at last be at peace. This was our driving hope and we were slowly getting there%u2014we were sure of it.%u2022%u2022%u2022%u2022%u2022It had now been eight years since we%u2019d done the major remodeling on our house with all the sprucing up, painting, refinishing,